Ep.77 – Five Things Dad’s Do Pt.3
In Episode 77 of the “Empowering Choices” podcast, titled “5 Things Dads Do Pt.3,” hosts Joshua, Lucas, and Eric continue their discussion on behaviors fathers exhibit that could alienate their sons. This episode focuses on parents living vicariously through their children’s achievements. Lucas opens the conversation by noting the commonality of parents projecting their own unrealized ambitions onto their children, often pushing them into sports or activities they once did or wished to do. Eric expands on this by discussing the pressure this places on children, whether they are natural athletes or not. He shares anecdotes of parents who were mediocre in sports themselves but expect superior performance from their children, “There’s a lot of us that will struggle with that, that it’s going to be a real battle,” Eric explains. This type of pressure can lead to children feeling overwhelmed and parents becoming overly invested in every success and failure their children encounter. Joshua introduces a distinction between healthy encouragement and living vicariously, questioning, “What is the difference between wanting my kid to succeed and living vicariously through them?” Eric clarifies this by suggesting that living vicariously often involves parents seeking emotional fulfillment through their children’s accomplishments as if they were their own, essentially seeing their children as extensions of themselves. The conversation also covers how these dynamics affect children’s development of independence and self-esteem. Lucas shares a story about a child who independently signs up for multiple sports teams, indicating a healthier scenario where the child drives their own activities rather than parental pressure. This contrasts with other scenarios where parents orchestrate every aspect of their children’s sports careers, down to attending every game and dominating the strategy discussions post-game. The episode wraps up with a discussion on the long-term impacts of these behaviors on children and the parent-child relationship. Erik concludes with advice for parents, stressing the importance of allowing children to make their own decisions and mistakes, “You need to learn these skills to make these choices because whether it’s basketball or auto mechanics, you have to figure out how you want to be the best you want to be,” he states. This episode not only highlights problematic behaviors but also guides parents towards more supportive and healthy interactions with their children.
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